Time out chair kid9/11/2023 We tell them, “If you’re going to be that loud, then go cry in your room.” All because we don’t want to sit with them during their sad or angry moments.Īnd we repress and label certain emotions as bad instead of for what they are: feelings that come and go. Time outs teach them that negative emotions should be hushed or ignored, not sorted or dealt with. We embrace our kids when they’re happy, excited, and in a good mood, but send them off on their own when they’re angry, frustrated, or sad. The biggest mistake we make with our kids’ emotions? We place judgment on them. Kids learn that negative feelings should be ignored Learn how to stop your toddler hitting others.ģ. The goals include things like learning acceptable conduct, regulating emotions, or following directions. Making them feel bad-whether through embarrassment or punishment-isn’t the goal of discipline. These aren’t excuses for hitting, but understanding their motive reveals that their frustration is valid. We don’t realize that hitting, no matter how inappropriate, is still common for toddlers, or we forget that he skipped a nap and was feeling tired. We also don’t get to ask ourselves whether their misbehavior was normal when we whisk our young children off to a time out. For all I know, he might think he gets a time out whenever he feels upset. Hitting is never the appropriate way to express frustration, but in sending him to a time out, I didn’t acknowledge the underlying reason. In his mind, he was hitting his brother because he didn’t want his toy taken away and had no other way to say so. Hitting warrants a serious reaction, I reasoned.Įxcept I didn’t address his frustration. I refer to this as “honoring the impulse,” a term coined in the book, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis.įor instance, my toddler had a horrible habit of hitting others. When we send our kids to time out, we overlook the underlying and valid reason they acted up in the first place. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Time outs don’t acknowledge your child’s feelingsĭisclosure: This article contains affiliate links. She’s all by herself.įree resource: Do you struggle with getting her to listen? Join my newsletter and discover the ONE effective word to get her to listen and follow instructions. Why? She has nobody talking to her about these issues. She might even think she’s a bad person for deserving this time out. She doesn’t understand why she’s punished when her baby sister ruined her building blocks. No, she’s still fuming at the unfairness of it all. Nor does she reassure herself that his feelings are valid, or that she’s loved no matter what. She doesn’t realize it’s her actions-and not her as a person-that need to change. Sit and learn your lesson.Įxcept… they’re not learning their lesson.Īlone in that corner, your child isn’t thinking about why she shouldn’t have hit her baby sister. That’s the point, right? Punishment means removing the things kids enjoy. More importantly, learn what you can do instead that can strengthen your parent-child relationship: Take a look at these compelling reasons why time outs don’t work. Not only is it an ineffective method in the long-term, but it also doesn’t serve our kids well. We may have even grown up with time outs and figured that we turned out all right.īut there’s more to timeouts than we think. So, why don’t time outs work? After all, we hear about them so often, whether from other parenting resources, on television, or from our friends and family. But sending our kids to time out is not the best strategy, especially if we want them to learn valuable lessons about their behavior and choices. Walking away to another room or taking a breather to collect ourselves is better than lashing out and losing our cool. You see, the more I researched and learned about time outs, the more I realized that they can cause more harm than good.Īnd if anyone should get a time out during a heated moment, it should be us, the parents. In fact, I think there are far better ways to handle bad behavior. You can even consult charts suggesting how many minutes per age to put her in a time out.Įxcept… I don’t think they work. She can learn that those actions aren’t tolerated and that consequences follow her misbehavior. You hear it all the time: If your child misbehaves, put her in a time out. Do time outs really work? Many parents use this method to discipline, but here’s why time outs don’t work and what to do instead.
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